Tails or Tales…

i am truly grateful for being who i am today, even with all the fuck-ups that i have been through (mainly contributed by yours truly). but then again, if it weren’t for the fuck-ups, i wouldn’t truly appreciate the moments in my life as i do today.

i hav realised, after observing and digesting many conversations with different friends, topic of completely about anything but directly related to what i’m saying here, is that my life is pretty complete and i’m pretty contented with the moment that i am in.

its odd, as i speak to many friends about whatever, they don’t seem to know where they are heading, they don’t know why they are doing certain things, and they sure as hell are fighting with themselves internally about this. easily enough, they fall into depression, finding other meaningless (but not monotonous) things to fill their lives.

i can humbly say, that i actually know what i want, and am actually pursuing it, or in the plans to proceed and set towards the dreams that i have given myself. they are not too difficult, not too wishful, just a passion to be fulfilled. its a clear picture in my head how i would like to live my life before ending it. or retrospectively speaking, moving into a spiritual zone, an afterlife.

people have actually been given many chances, many hints, many directions and options to chose from, and yet they tend to chose the one that they don’t want, as they always think that the choice they want is the easiest choice, but in actual fact, its not.

the biggest challenge isn’t doing what you don’t want and succeeding, it is actually doing what you want, succeeding it in the first place, and to maintain that success. its how do you maintain the interest in doing it, even though its something that you want to do, but what if its over and over again, can you stand strong?

i’m at that stage. i’m finding the challenge of maintaining the passion of what i do, hoping to god that i don’t walk down that same path of destruction again when i get bored of what i’m doing.

for some reason, i can’t seem to find the rite words to say these days.

just finished one of my biggest personal projects last fri nite. it was my club’s installation dinner and dance. theme "jazzin it again". yeah u can guess, loads of glam, dancing, singing, rackj’s jazzin it again.

the program of the nite was definitely something to shout about, but the outcome, i feel, lack climax. or mayb i’m just too tired / stressed / nervous to enjoy the nite, i even fucked up my speech completely forgetting all protocols.

but anyways, as soon as it was over, we headed to savahn and i had a blast letting go all the stress. having long sighs of relieve. it was bliss…

am waiting for the pictures to be uploaded.. check it out urselves later on~!

oh oh… another thing, to my friends who supported me that nite, be it being there physically or in spirit, thank you… you honestly don’t know how much it meant for me to have your support. thank you…

details too dramatic, too embarassing, too painful, but fortunately not too emotional.

must be just my luck to meet and go out with the wrong guys all the time… it wasn’t as though i knew something was just too good to be true about this one. this one was fucking married. and i’m the playa of the year. how dare he bringing her… to my ‘home’??!! no excuses, i give up, no more…

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr~!!!!!!! geramnye~!! kurang asam~!!