Tails or Tales…

feeling lonely is different that feeling alone… which one are you?

its the cny holidays, everyone has gone back to their home town… i’ve just moved back with my family, and after being on my own for so long, i felt very detached with them.

so yeah, i’m feeling alone… not lonely (which is worst, cause it would mean that i have no friends at all) but thankfully i do have my ever supportive friends.

cny is a time of bonding with family and creating meaningful moments with friends too. i’m glad that at the end of the last few days, i have managed to overcome the cny blues and thank god that i do have my family by my side and friends all around

the things that happened to me in 2005 that i will never forget, and that it shall forever be a reminder in my life that there is always a silver lining in everything that i do, as long as i look for it:

• changing jobs just because it offers higher does not necessarily mean that the grass is always greener on the other side. i lost that job and realise that i should be choosing something that i’m happy doing and not because of the money.
• losing my car is like losing my legs. i lost it twice in 2005, one to an accident, and two to the bank. now that i have it back, i’ll be treasuring it more than ever.
• breaking up is hard to do, and when u have to do it over and over again several times the last year.. oh well, the consequences of being heartbrokened is like a drug in my body now. i’ve become an alcoholic because of it.
• being an alcoholic has made me see alot of things in my life. i may be one that drinks alcohol everyday, but i don’t get drunk everyday, the only time when i totally am not aware of what i’m doing is when something bad happens or when i’m really upset. in total, i actually got drunk only a handful of times the last year…
• i re-discovered my passion. rotaract, writing, dancing, family, friends, reading…
• i’m aware of my ability to read ‘energy’. this is hard to explain, but only a few can relate to what i am saying.
• i’ve become more objective in life. i see and understand a lot more of the better things that can surface rather than all the bad things that has happened in my life.

all is beautiful in my life now.. 2006, year of the bitch, new life, new job, new objectives, new resolutions, and best of all, supporting friendships, brotherhood and sisterhood, my rotaract family of idiots.

talking bout the rotaract club of idiots, here it is, the final roll call (drum roll, please)…

1. divine goddess - 3sa
2. creator idiot - me! me!
3. hor-ny idiot - bernard
4. missing idiot - dinesh
5. super idiot - eric
6. kidnapped idiot - cindy
7. wise / farnie idiot - derick
8. cunt-fuse idiot - johel
9. perky idiot - yvonne
10. sober idiot - irfan *newly inducted
11. cheeky idiot - neeraj *newly inducted
12. corrupter idiot - boon *newly inducted

Big 45 Test Results

Gregariousness	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Sociability	|||||||||||||||||||||	70%
Assertiveness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Poise	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	86%
Leadership	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Provocativeness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Self-Disclosure	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Talkativeness	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Group Attachment	|||||||||||||||	46%
Extroversion	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Understanding	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Warmth	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Morality	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Pleasantness	|||||||||||||||||||||	70%
Empathy	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Cooperation	||||||||||||||||||	54%
Sympathy	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Tenderness	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Nurturance	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Accommodation	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Conscientiousness	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Efficiency	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Dutifulness	||||||||||||||||||	54%
Purposefulness	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Organization	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Cautiousness	|||||||||||||||	42%
Rationality	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Perfectionism	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Planning	|||||||||||||||	46%
Orderliness	||||||||||||||||||	60%
Stability	|||||||||||||||	42%
Happiness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Calmness	|||||||||||||||	46%
Moderation	|||||||||||||||	42%
Toughness	|||||||||||||||||||||	70%
Impulse Control	|||||||||	30%
Imperturbability	|||||||||	30%
Cool-headedness	|||||||||||||||	50%
Tranquility	||||||||||||	38%
Emotional Stability	|||||||||||||||	47%
Intellect	|||||||||||||||||||||	62%
Ingenuity	|||||||||||||||||||||	66%
Reflection	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Competence	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Quickness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Introspection	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Creativity	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%
Imagination	||||||||||||||||||||||||	78%
Depth	||||||||||||||||||||||||||||	82%
Openmindedness	||||||||||||||||||||||||	74%

Posting from another posting

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The first sex toys that we know actually go back long before the discovery of electricity, in ancient Greece where women made use of a device called olisbo to masturbate. Olisbos were nothing more but what today we know as dildos. Made of hide or even wood and lubricated with olive oil before use. There are also archaeology findings of thousand years old sex toys in Asia.

After the electricity becoming widespread in 19th century, the actual vibrator started to take its form as an American doctor called George Taylor created a "steam-powered massager" and two decades later, the British physician Joseph Mortimer also came up with a new model of massager which was battery operated and portable. But isn’t that weird that the vibrator was created by physicians? Why would they create such device? If we bear in mind how the female sexuality was regarded back then, we’ll figure out that it couldn’t be other than give women better orgasms.

Those doctors were trying to find a treatment for a female disorder. But it has nothing to do with lack of orgasm, cancer or other disorder that we’re familiarized to hear the new progresses of medicine. Those guys were actually seeking a cure for hysteria.

Although, the very existence of hysteria as an actual disease was debunked during the 1950’s, at that time it was believed that hysteria would be the result of the womb’s inflammation due to a lack of sexual intercourse. A "hysterical woman" of then, was a synonym of a woman in need of sexual relief in order to chill out her mental and emotional distress and to exude the fluids off her inflamed womb. Let’s remember that masturbation was also considered something forbidden and "against nature", so any married woman or teenagers who had been caught up masturbating would be a potential patient suffering from hysteria. The doctors applied what they called genital massage to relieve the hysteria provoked distress. It’s easy for us to figure out that any woman would appear being relaxed, calm and allayed after a good session of multiple orgasms (which was called "hysterical paroxysm").

Even were the massagers employed in mental institutions, so as to calm down seemingly out of hand female patients. Rather than masturbation alone, other more "serious" types of misbehaviors may have been interpreted as the symptoms of hysteria. Thus, such symptoms may range from an abusive sexual lust to activism.

It’s hard to believe that orgasms were touted as spasms due to the release of both fluids and distress, seeing that the existence of sexual pleasure in women was neither believed nor accepted, back then. The orgasms produced by the massages couldn’t be regarded as something sexual, since the treatment didn’t involve penetration (the vibrators were not penis shaped as today’s models) given the fact that the existence of the clitoris as a sexual organ was completely unknown to our forefathers.

After being hysteria considered no longer an actual disease. As well as scientists discovered the physiology of orgasm or else the importance of the clitoris as a complex and delicate organ in that essential to the female pleasure, became vibrators popular and readily available to ordinary tax-payers even by means of mail-order catalogs. At this point, still were they considered a sex replacement, used by lonesome unfulfilled women, who would be victim of jokes were their concealed vibrators found . Currently, there can be vibrators in every color, shape and size ever thought possible, remote controlled and gadget supplied. A woman with her own vibrator looks as if self-sufficient, who knows how to take the most out of her bodily functions, and still enjoys very pleasant moments of intimacy. From deemed almost as a self-punishment instrument to a device revered by any self-proclaimed independent woman ( as seen on the ham Sex And The City, for an instance at random). This essay comes to give us an insight of how prone to changes our concepts are likely to evolve on the female sexuality over a period of time.

the mofo bastard asshole son of a bitch mother fucker that stole my wallet on my birthday has been caught and thrown into jail.

this is the best news i’ve heard!

according to a mutual friend [n], my suspicions on who took it was right. [n] saw him stripping a wallet dry, but didn’t know that it was mine till he came into bar flams later in the nite and found out that i lost my wallet. though [n] couldn’t turn this mofo bastard asshole son of a bitch mother fucker in, only because they are mutual friends.

but after another similar incident that happened, the om couldn’t take it anymore and called the cops in on this mofo bastard asshole son of a bitch mother fucker.

serve him right. i hope he rots in jail. i hope he gets his butt raped too many times that he can’t sit rite no more. my curse to u again, mofo bastard asshole son of a bitch mother fucker.

warmest wishes to everyone. what should be a white christmas, but for us in malaysia is a warm christmas

merry christmas & happy new year to all!!

its been a long time since i’ve blog. i’ve been so busy the last two months, trying to pick my life back up.. i would say, 2005 was a screwed up year for me, no denying that i screwed it up myself big time

this year’s resolution is still in tact.. am actually practising it now anyways it’s all rebirth and rejuvenate time (as said by trey).

how did u spend ur christmas & new years celebration?

mine was spent with the closest of friends with ample quality time.. didn’t want to spent it getting drunk like any other regular day.

on christmas eve, we had a joint project with rac kajang, where we went to a disabled home for the children and did a christmas party there. my mum and friends sponsored the food and join us in the activities as well. it was really sweet and kind of them. and just prior to this, i think i gave my mum the best christmas present ever, "i’ll be home for christmas / chinese new year" to stay for good. that nite, after the clock striked 12, the idiots had a sharing session, wasn’t intentional to have such a grouping, but it was definitely a much needed one by the group. after giving honest feedbacks and throwing at each other, the energy level in the room seemed to have opened up many other posibilities within the friendship. we cried, we laughed, we hugged…

during new years, there was the joint rotary-rotaract conference, held at crowne plaza, where i was there for 3 days. though didn’t get to participate much in the actual conference programmes, but had a blast of a time performing and fellowshipping with the rotarians and old friends from rotaract. some that i’ve not seen in years but there was this one rotarian, which i felt, has brought shame to the name of being a rotarian, and more importantly, shame to himself. being an asshole and all, he was busy insulting many of us rotaractors, and most direct attacks were on me. my friends were deeply insulted and disappointed that he was doing this. no, this is not just my side of the stories, my friends were there to participating in the disussion. i must thank 3 fellas who stuck by me through this, and also help to throw issues back at him.

trey, boon, neeraj : thanks for the support. u guys did some pretty good trashing back at him.

all in all, i had a blast of a time with my closest friends, being nocturnal and all, we all stayed up till we saw the sun come out, though we did not see the sunrise.

to the rotaract club of idiots : thanks for your support, thanks for being there for me, even though i may have been going down the road of distruction, thanks for pulling me back up, thanks for giving me the time and space that i need to get through this