Archive for September, 2005

living in limbo…

Tuesday, September 27th, 2005

i finally realise that i’ve been lying to myself. honestly, nobody really knows bout my bf, or who he is, or what he does. those who have met him, can’t say much bout him either. this relationship doesn’t look or even feel like a relationship, so as off 2.04am this morning, i’m officially single.

he hardly picks up my calls, or replies my sms-es. we hardly meet, like prob 2-3 times a month. i know he’s busy with work and all, but for me this was ridiculus. he has been asking me to wait and all, esp because he’s also asking me to join him in partnership. i waited, 5 months, nothing’s happening. whilst being with him, everything else around my life has been put on hold, my career, my friends, my life. thus, the title, living in limbo..

after coming back from ryla, i feel myself grounded and rooted. i’m putting my life back in order. i realised that mayb i’m not in love with him. he offered me a good life, and that he can take care of me and all that. mayb it was all that i was attracted to, security. except that’s not me. i don’t feel sad, i’m not depressed, i’m even feeling chirpy (quote jenn). perhaps i should have done this a long time ago.

now that i realise i’m not in love in that man, though i do know that i am in love. i’m in love with life and intend on living it passionately. i’m coming out of the limbo, i’ve got great friends to support me, i’ve got my parents to care for me.

jenn, jules, nicole.. thanks for sticking by my side, thanks for supporting me, thanks for letting me do this on my own time. i know what u have all been concern about. i don’t deny that i see and know what’s going on, yet i wanted to give it more time. thanks for your patience to see me come through this.

relaxed! revived! rejuvenated!

Monday, September 26th, 2005

life has never been this great!

i just got back from the best 5 days of my life!

Thursday 22sept2005

departed from my condo at 8.45am, picked up my president from sect 17, and went to dataran merdeka to pick up dinesh and kelvin. while waiting at dataran merdeka, there were a bunch of youths waiting to be loaded into the bus and to be shot off to ryla (rotary youth leadership award) at outward bound school, lumut.

upon arriving in lumut at about 2pm, we stopped by a petrol station to fill up and check my car engine. filled up water in the correct holes, we continued our journey, only to discover that the signal lights were short circuit-ed and not working. shit! shit! shit!! but we were near and so we just made sure we didn’t make any sharp turnings.. we arrived safe and sound at 2.30pm at obs, lumut.

after registration, we were ’stripped’ down of our belongings for anything ‘pleasurable’. our handphones, ciggarettes, ipods, walkmans, wallets, cash, and etc were consficated. deprived of the luxuries of civilization and urban-ation, we carried the rest of our belongings to our dorms.

you can prob feel the disappointed vibe in all the participants as though we have been sent to the room without dinner for doing something wrong. the few of us smokers were wondering how we were gonna survive for the next 5 days without ciggies.

we were split into 6 groups : tahan, bubu, korbu, gading, trusmadi, and ulu sepat (my group).

ulu sepat members : dinesh (captain), kelvin (mike), charmaine, eunice, jack, kheng wai, rezal (super commando!!), jestin (dilbert), hun pin (sweeper), stephanie (mummy), gary (bitch), dhaya (slut), niza (chibik) and myself (chubuk).

nite came, and we went nite walking in the jungle. we were not allowed torch lights and had to depend on our sense of ‘touch’ and hearing to get us through the trek. though it was scary, but it was a good feeling when we got out of there. a feeling of a small achievement.

Friday 23sept2005

getting up early in the morning is just not my forte.. but for the camp, we had to get up at 5.30am, and sharing 3 bathrooms with 20 other gals is not fun. at 6.30am, we were expected to group up, those who were late, push ups.. no prizes for guessing whether i was late or not :p

after the opening ceremony, there was a full day of discussion and talks arranged by the rotarians, speaking bout leadership, presentation skills, confidence, ethics and mannerism, and even whats next after ryla. for the guest (non-rotaractors), this was an introduction to the rotaract club. though officially i’m not yet a rotaractor, yet i stood proud with the rotaractors when we were asked to ’show’ ourselves to the guest. this tingling feeling told me that rotaract is in my blood.. this was my calling..

in the evening, we had a briefing of what’s gonna happen the next day. we were scheduled to camp-out for the nite and we had to start preparing our equipment and determining the roles for the members. and also we had to discuss the group presentation which we had to present on our ‘graduation’ nite.

Saturday 24sept2005

this time i got up and was early for the morning session at 6.30am. i am proud of myself for this :) we had belays intro, which was also an intro to rock / rope climbing. i was excited as i always wanted to try this. niza and i managed touched base at 60 secs, considerably faster that the rest.. :p though can’t beat gary’s time of 20 secs. sheesh!!

after lunch we packed and washed up and got ready to move out. our bags each weighed approx 20kg +. having just recovered from a broken collar bone, i was extremely worried bout the weight on my shoulders.

we moved out at 2.15pm. we walked for bout an hour to the foot of the hill that we were gonna hike up. from there, we started hiking up the jungle trek, climbing up 300 ft above sea level to reach the peak was our check-point. we arrived at 5.30pm at 300ft. there were complains, there were prima donnas, there were sissies, there were parts where we had to support each other to climb / jump across. but all these were nothing compared to what we had to go through after we passed the check-point.

everything literally went down hill from where we left off. slippery and steep, we were all carefully helping each other to get down. we bump into another group, gading, and travelled together. it was getting dark, as nite came, the treks were steeper, we’re talking 60-70 degrees steep. needless to say, this was the time when u actually get to know someone.. the attraction was in the air, the tension was so thick, i could poke my staff in it and it’ll stick. some tried to ‘cut line’ with the gals.. it was half a catastrophe..

we finally touched camp base at 11.30pm. after 9 hours of walking, we were all exhausted. i’m considerable a weak person. throughout the whole journey, i had difficulty breathing, therefore i took my strides slow and steady. at 1.30am, after we had set up the camp and had our dinner, we found out that trusmadi was still stuck in the jungle, they had just arrived at check-point 300ft. omg, we were worried if they were gonna make it at all.. they ended up camping in the jungle.

the gals and guys slept in diff tents obviously.. i was chilling with gary and dhaya, talking cock singing song while gazing at the stars. it was beautiful, as u don’t get to see that many stars in KL cause of the haze :p the 3 of us were lying in the tent when slowly each of us dozed of. that’s the end of sleeping in the gals tent. dinesh woke gary n i up at 4am for nite watch. an hour per pair, we watched till 4.30 and went back to the tent and slept.. we tried waking dhaya up at 5, cause he was suppose to watch and cook us some really good food, which proved fruitless, though we did get curry chicken breakfast (tin can)..

Sunday 25sept2005

we got up early to pack and head back to the school. the hike back was only 3hours, shortcut.. some of the bags, which we stuffed with all the heavy stuff, were sent back by jeep. we reached the school at 10.30am.. after chilling with the guys sommore, i went back to the gals dorm and took a leisurely long shower and scrub myself till i was satisfied.. did i mentioned that the gals had to share the toilets with 20 others, while the boys, only 6. wat bull!!!

after lunch, we went out to sea. my fav!! i just love the water!! went kayaking, which was totally fun, and got a great tan as well.. dhaya and dinesh took a kayak together.. it was hilarious, cause the both of them kept capsizing.. we did a rescue exercise to ’save’ the both of them.

dinner was our showtime.. we sang a few songs where we changed the lyrics to show what a great time we had. the rotaractors performed our ‘rotaract spirit’ and wished happy birthdays to the september babies.

Monday 26sept2005

during the forum in the morn, we shared our thoughts and wishes during the last few days. the energy in the room was just blazing. everyone was just feeling absolutely high. although the last couple of days have been vigorous, we were still full of spirit and energy..

after the closing ceremony and lunch, we walked out of the school to have our ciggies, which were returned to us just after breakfast. we began our journey home and arrived in PJ at 7.

my president and i were still bursting with energy, we went for a community service meeting with our members at 7.30 together with dinner..

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during the whole time, i was so afraid that i’m too weak to handle anything, with all the shit that my body was going through, but i got through it with full of energy and spirit, i came back feeling relaxed, revived, and rejuvenated. it was definitely the recharge that i need. the partnerships build, the friendships made, the brotherhoods / sisterhoods formed was the best gift anyone can ever give me.

guys, if ur reading this, thanks for making my ryla experience totally unforgetable and the most memorable days of my life. some pix are up, check out the photo album.

opening up posibillities..

Thursday, September 15th, 2005

sounds like a TM tagline? it is. but that’s wat i feel has been happening for me the last 2 weeks.

my prev posting indicated that i really dislike the circumstances that affects the way i do my work. and now i can confirm that my work too really dislikes me. in this case, its a no win situation, so i decided to resign. i should be worried bout whats gonna happen to me from now, i don’t have a back-up job nor do i have any savings to sustain me till i get a job. instead i feel much lighter, like a damn burden off my shoulders etc. the things that happened to me after i threw in my resignation has been really good. it really has opened up possibilities for me.

my rotaract club, which i personally put to sleep 2 yrs ago, was re-launched by one of my junior members. he invited me to come for the 1st general meeting, which i reluctantly attended. i saw all my old rotarians there, each passing minute bringing back old memories from my college days of rotaract. they gave me no mercy, they saw me and ‘demanded’ that i return to rotaract with a vengeance. they immediately put me up to go for RYLA (Rotary Youth Leadership Award), which i have been dreaming of going for since years ago. always thinking that i am a failure, i never expected to be sponsored to go. so now, i have no regrets going back for the 1st rotaract general meeting. i am back, and i’m going for blood. i hope.. *sheepish grin*

after the rotaract meeting, a few of the ‘old’ rotaractors were discussing business. sitting with them and catching up on old times, they brought up their business plan with me, and asked me to join their team. immediately i said yes, seeing the situation was that i won’t be working next month, and that this was a great opportunity to start doing something on my own.

i was on a ‘high’. i felt as though that my world has turned 180 degrees.

Wednesday, September 7th, 2005

The World’s Shortest Personality Test


You are dependable, popular, and observant.
Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.
In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.
You don’t mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.
And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

Quick and Dirty IQ score

Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
Your IQ Is 95

Your Logical Intelligence is Above Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average
Your General Knowledge is Average

bloggers smloggers

Monday, September 5th, 2005

so i love to complain alot. i put alot up here.. it’s my blog, it’s my journal. i don’t give two hoots bout whether you’re offended bout what i write here, if you don’t like reading this, well press alt-f4 three times.

a few friends and i were discussing bout the ppl who complain bout what we write in our own blog. well, some of us have lost some inspiration to write, well others are trying to be ‘tactful’ bout wat’s written as not to offend others.

anyways, i’ve been feeling awfully demotivated lately. i got a feeling that i’m not goin to last long working where i am now.. i know, i’ve just joined. i don’t know if it’s a problem i have or that my luck is just so. the week i joined, i fell sick, for the first time in my life, i have sinus. 3rd week, i was down with my back problem, which also turns out to be genetic, cause of the degenerative bone structure i have.

after bout 2 months, my boss decides to drop the client, taking in minimum jobs and trying to look for prospective clients, not that i’m complaining bout the shift in mindset, but the ‘dingdong’ of work coming in almost nil. so i sat here everyday ‘bitching’ bout whats to come. finally, i’m settled on another client.

just as i was going for my first meeting with the client, my major accident happened. already am restless and having forced to stay home, i was close to ripping my hair out. thank god for bar flams! at least when going there, i am more relaxed as i have people to talk to, things to look at, and alcohol to enjoy! HAH!

first job for the client, i fucked it up. the client and i had a major argument about factual errors in the copy *needless to say, i loss although my facts were right, because the damn client always wins* even my boss can say, two wrongs don’t make a right *refering to the client*. but what the hell, i went into a ‘fit’ and didn’t show for work the next day cause had a ‘fever’ from being too ‘hot’ the day before. to hell with the deadline! but i kesian my manager who has to take over from me lah.

then yesterday and today, bloody stomach ache! sheesh, u think i’m really bummed out with work, but honestly i’m bummed out bout myself not being able to work properly. everytime life is balanced and things start going great, shit happens!!

ya ya, moan moan, complain complain, meowz~! grrrr…

gorgeous!! isn’t she..

Thursday, September 1st, 2005

Cws31afw_12411high_1516_0_4000_2meet my new gorgeous.. the Sony Ericsson Z800i. just got her from singapore.. thanks to my client who brought it in for me.

it’s an upgrade from my Nokia 6230, which i had for a year now.

the Sony Ericsson Z800i is one of the latest 3G phones in town. it’s sleek, white, very functional and totally gorgeous! check it out on www.sonyericsson.com