Tails or Tales…

      no matter how many times i’ve been ‘blessed’ in my life, i can truly say that i have been blessed. in a good sense. even after all the bad shit that has happened to me, the only reason why i’m still standing strong today is because of the support that my beloved angels have shown me throughout my life. this entry is a thank you to all my angels. you have been there for me especially when i was at the lowest. angels, i thank you.

      i’m ashamed that i have not been able to do the same for some of you. but i’m very grateful that u stood by me when u could, u have dedicated your time, advice and made sacrifices to help make me happy. angels, i thank you. 

      you have helped me grow and made me wiser. you knew no boundaries to help others need and trouble. you made a difference in my life. angels, i thank you.

      you know who you are, cause when u read this, you will feel the glowing warmth feeling of being appreciated by someone you have sacrifice for, by someone who love you as well.. angels, i thank you.

       This post is dedicated to the following people in my life : best friends, ex-best friends, lovers, former lovers, fuck buddies (just kidding, don’t have any), former fuck buddies (you believe me?!!), boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends, friends, relatives, surrogate families and most importantly my bro, mum & dad.

karma is real. what goes around come around. miracles do happen, especially when u least expected it. and what is a miracle is also very subjective to the person’s perception. no, i’m not writing some ’self-help’ or motivation or any one of those ‘chicken soup for the soul’ stuff.

i believe in miracles. my life has had too many coincidences that i no longer believe them as coincidences but little miracles in my life. n my life has been put to the test of danger and possible fatality twice already. and both times, the post trauma always involves my weakness, money.

yes, i have an issue with money. i’m poor at planning and managing them. i can’t really consider it as my fault really, everytime my financial status is about to hit stable point, some shit happens and i have no choice but to fork out the money. the test of death has cost me money.

test 1

the first time is when my house got broken into. so happened i had with me my travel allowance from my company which amounted to more than RM 800 which i was gonna bank in the next day. but the most precious prize was the ring my mother gave me, a 8-piece diamond ring, which easily amounted to more than the total lost at home. the test was that i was sleeping in the same room which the robber was cleaning out. and the drawer that contained the ring was noisy to open and right next to my bed. distance from head to noisy drawer = less than 1feet. believe it or not, i didn’t wake up. it felt like i was drugged, as i was the last one to wake up that morning.. miraculously i was not harmed, and i can say the ring ’saved’ my life as if the robber had not found it, he may have woken me up to demand for something worth taking or my life.

test 2

when i crashed my car, bad planning came to play.. i under insured my car by 20%, which meant that when my car is damaged the insurance company will only cover up to 70%-80%. the total damage of the car was whopping rm 15k. yes, it was a very bad crash. i have to fork out the penalty which i under insured for, which came up to rm 4500. what more, i booked a hp from singapore and was suppose to get it this week, and that will cost me another rm 1400. and i had medical bills to deal because of my broken collar bone. total payout, more than 6k. for the first 2 weeks since my crash, i’ve been scratching/rubbing my head, my bum, my arms, my legs.. thinking of where to get the money.

it happened when my insurance agent called to tell me that she has appealed and won the matter over, and their company will fully cover for the cost. for me, that was a miracle. immediately i thank god and felt as though the weight was off my shoulders. the new hp i can handle, since i already planned for it. the medical, i can claim from office. my best friend has offered to send me to work when he can.. thanks jurrian

because of miracles, my life is sweet again.

i feel as though i’ve been stab right through the heart and in the back many many times. this pix should describe how i feel.. the pain, the agony, the exhaustion of having to defend myself..

referring to my entry on June 23, the feud, the betrayal is still not over yet. today, the boiling point has reached its peak. it has been gradually simmering with vengeance for a long time. friends were dragged into the non-verbal argument that we were having. messages were passed through 3rd parties. politics breaking out in the group. i’m not apart of the group, yet my feud with that one person cause a rift between the ppl in the group. some supporters, some non supporters, some neutrals.

i’m sorry, guys.. i truly have no intentions to bring u into the non-sensical, egoistical argument that i was going through. to me, it looks like a really childish and ridiculus argument. as much as i wish for it to stop and go away, i’m being attacked left rite centre. personal attacks bout my past, wat i did, innocent remarks. hell, those stuff did not even concern this person in the least bit, and yet he made it his business to stick his nose in. its really… whats the word for it… disgusting, appalling, *i know there’s a word to describe it, but i don’t know what it’s called* to see ppl wash their laundry, especially in the front yard. i was totally ready to let go. but there’s only so much i can tolerate, so i retaliated.

i’m a scorpio, its my nature to retaliate, fight back.. i may have been wrong on certain matters, but on the whole, i truly believe that i am right bout whole situation. seriously looking at the big picture, there was a misunderstanding, and although in the beginning i have apologise profusely and just wanting to maintain friends, yet this person boiled in rage and refuse to listen or to even look sensibly at the big pix. so i backed off. this person has betrayed me, and yet i kept quiet about it, till recently.

i am strong, i can get through this phase. there is no need for this to get me down. i will survive..

how i’m feeling right now
what a crappy crappy week… last week was most definitely the worst week of my life (till now lah)
——————–

Tuesday morning, 2 August 2005, at approx 9.45am, just after a light drizzle. i thank god that i was still breathing. i was involved in a pretty major car accident.

i loss control of the car after skidding on wat appeared to be oil on the road. my steering wheel locked as my engine died and i couldn’t pull the car back straight. i saw the divider coming closer to my window and there was nothing i can do about it but wait for the car to crash into it and hopefully, with the impact, my car will stop.

my car crashed once, twice and i saw the world going round as my car spinned across 2 lanes that i was on and crashed for the third time on to the divider across the road of a flyover. i felt something snapped on my right. i was facing oncoming traffic.

after that, things were kinda blur to me.. i remember calling 3 ppl - my boss (to tell her that i couldn’t make it for the meeting as i got into an accident, crying at the same time), my best friend (to tell him to come save me), my insurance (to arrange for my car to be taken away)

there were some ppl who stopped their car/bikes and came down to see if it was ok. my best friend arrived, he shooed the nosier ones away (tow truck idiots). my colleague came to pick the creatives up from me to send downtown, and came back to make sure i was ok. my insurance finally sent the tow truck after 2 hours. and i was finally at the hospital. wat seemed to look like a dislocated shoulder, was actually infact a broken collar bone.

how the accident happened really, i wouldn’t know. i would say i was in ‘perfect’ condition to drive. i slept early the nite before, didn’t even go out drinking as i was in the office till late. so no hangover as an excuse either. i wasn’t speeding as i was on a flyover coming down, nor was i rushing as i had plenty of time to make it to KL. be it human or mechanical error, it doesn’t really matter now.

6 weeks for recovery for the driver & the car..

double whamy

same day!!! can u believe it, my room got broken into!!
i came home, wondering why my room door was locked, cause i usually don’t lock my room door. i happened to trust my housemates cause the landlord & i have been friends for a long time, since college. except for the newbies who just moved in, they are friends of friends.

i walked into the room, wondering why my drawers were all slightly opened.. i thought that when i left in the morning, i might have forgotten to close them properly. but then i looked again and thought, no way in hell i would have opened so many drawers..

my handbags moved position. my jewelry box was opened, i panicked.. the thief took the cash in there (couple of hundreds which i was going to use to pay rent), but left the gold. i was wondering what kind of stupid thief would do that.

I don’t want to jump to conclusions bout the newbies in the house as i don’t know them well. but then again, no way could he have came in from the window, cause:
1. i stay on the 19th floor
2. although my slightly opened window is quite near the corridor, it would be stupid of him to try. and finally…
3. there was no disturbance of dust at the window sill where he would have had to hang on to with his dear life if he wanted to come in.

so i reported to my landlord, first thing he did say was most likely through the window. i told him "no fucking way!!" (please read reasons above) anyways i told him to report it to management. no need to involve the police and all that. i had enough of drama for the day. i was the only one in the house who lost something… my housemates cash were intact.

wat a fucked up day/week. spent the whole week recuperating at home.
cost of damage of the car in my head. thinking of how the fuck am i going to pay for it.
thinking how am i going to get to work while my car is at the workshop??
thinking how long would my arm really take to heal so i can go back to the gym.. and my mum just have to tell the doc and myself that we have deteriorative & brittle bones, which is hereditary. FUCK!!! i’m a walking brittle skeleton

well, that was my week.. how was urs